12/20/2003: "Late Late at night, or early depending on..."
It's 4:09AM I haven't been able to sleep at all tonight. I keep thinking of the new paintings I want to do for the solo in July. I just don't have any art supplies with me here in Nebraska Land so they are all just swimming round and round in my head. Image after image after image and I keep thinking, oh, wait a minute, go back to that one. Pause there; it's like I'm watching a DVD or something. And I'm afraid I won't remember half of them when I wake up tomorrow, but I will remember something like the dream I had last night where 50% of Conan O'Brien's audience were cardboard cutouts and that he sicked his pet rats on me when I tried to swim accross the moat that seperated him from the audience. Yes, those images I will remember in crystal clarity.
My brain is being dulled here from too much sattelite tv and Christmas cards written in the third person. Everyone I meet in O'Neill has to ask the same thing "Now, you're the only Tomlinson girl who still hasn't gotten married or had any kids...right?" I want to scream.
I watched the Rules of Attraction tonight. I've seen it before but it still gets to me. There are three main characters, A is in love with B who is in Love with C and C is in love with A. All of them have these messed up ideas about the objects of their affections and none of it is real. A girl commits suicide over a guy she has been writing letters to that she thinks she's been having this thing with and he doesn't even know she exists; he thinks the letters are from the girl he is obsessed with... and after she kills herself as a grand gesture to him, he still doesn't know that this person ever existed or that she is now dead.
It is a very dark but funny movie that for some reason has stirred a lot of old memories...