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03/20/2004: "Kill Rock Stars"
I guess today is the first official day of Spring. Soen and I went up to Eaglecrest for some skiing and the snow conditions were perfect, plus it was sunny and there were barely any people so no lines or waiting. From the top you could see the town nestled between the mountains and the Channel. Even though the summer is still a ways off, I was reminded of my favorite peom by Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892–1950)
I will be the gladdest thing
Under the sun!
I will touch a hundred flowers
And not pick one.
I will look at cliffs and clouds
With quiet eyes,
Watch the wind bow down the grass,
And the grass rise.
And when lights begin to show
Up from the town,
I will mark which must be mine,
And then start down!
Now I'm home with a hot cup of tea, listening to Elliot Smith's "Kill Rock Stars" CD. I was really shaken by news of his death last year. He was the same age as me, born in the same year in the same state. He also struggled with substance abuse and depression and everything I read initially made it sound like a suicide. I was never that certain...I mean, who commits suicide by stabbing themself in the chest, TWICE? That just doesn't seem right. Anyway, I came across this BBC article saying that the coroner's report was not able to determine it to be a suicide and the police might look into his death again.
One of his songs from this CD "Needle in the Hay" always makes me feel sad. It's the song that they play during one of the most realistic cinematic suicide attempts ever filmed....Luke Wilson in The Royal Tenenbaums (by another of my favorite directors Wes Anderson). He's shaving in the bathroom, looking into the mirror and says "tomorrow I'm going to kill myself" and then he slices his wrists.
I love Elliot Smith's music so much but I have to sort of ration myself on it, especially since his death. Still, he's one of the only musicians I consistently enjoy painting with.
I was just thinking that if I had enough money I'd fly to Dublin this weekend to see the last showing of "Playboy of the Western World" at the Gaiety Theater. First of all, it's directed by legendary Irish director Garry Hynes (the very first woman director to win a Tony Award for Directing) and secondly it is a fantasitc, controversial play by John Millington Synge that I've always wanted to see. Not to mention the fact that Cillian Murphy is in the lead role of Christy Mahon, along with Anne-Marie Duff. There's nothing as exciting to watch as live theater...but who am I kidding, I can't afford a trip across town to Taco Bell, let alone Dublin.
Of course, I do plan to see "The Man In the Flying Lawn Chair", the next production by our own Perserverance Theater here in Douglas (right across the street from me actually). I wish I could act. I did it a little in high school and it was a total rush. I was the lead in a comedy one act, I remember how intoxicating an audience can be, getting a house of people to laugh...You feel so powerful. I don't know why I never stuck with it, I guess I just don't have the looks for it in the end. Anyway, a person can't do and be good at everything they might hope to be. On that note...back to work...oh wait no, I feel a nap coming on, even better...