Alaskan Artist - Elise Tomlinson
Home Artist Blog About Me Life in Alaska Purchase Site Index Speak
Home » Archives » July 2004 » Blog Envy

[Previous entry: "Commitment Phobic"] [Next entry: "New Solos for December and April / Blogging at the DNC"]

07/23/2004: "Blog Envy"

Reading other people's blogs is absolutely fascinating to me. I come across them, sometimes by chance and read a few entries, glimpses into someone's often extremely private life. Some I return to again and again. Some people are sad, lonely, frustrated, angry at the world, and others seem to lead such magical and charmed lives that it makes me feel like a useless waste of space in comparison.

I have *always* compared myself to others. I know you're not supposed to but I do anyway, I can't help it. I have this running dialog in my head, like walking down the street I'll be thinking:

"Are my calves as big as hers, no, I think mine are smaller, hmm, well, from this angle, I'm definitely shorter...oh, she's so much younger than me, how can she afford a Landrover? Wah, you think you're better than me? Eew gross, check out that guy's hair plugs, well, my hair isn't as thick as it used to be either...I have more than that guy at least, nice teeth anyway, my teeth are different colors, they're whiter than hers though, damn it why won't she open her mouth again?

Well, that's an exaggeration, really I do think about things like that which is ironic since I spend zero time or money on my appearance (*really* ask anyone!)...and actually, I feel more envy over people's accomplishments than their looks or money.

There is this one particular blog that I find always makes me feel extremely small after I read it. Sometimes I'll stay away for a month or so at a time but then I'll go back, read some more and think, damn, how come all that cool shit happens to her? Maybe it hits closer to home for me because she is a person very very similar to me to a frightening degree...I mean, I'm not envious of people like Jennifer Anniston or Angelina Joliee for example because we're not in the same ballpark, but this person seems no smarter, no better looking, no more talented than I am and is in a similar line of work...and yet she is successful beyond measure and has this incredibly exciting and seemingly perfect life that feels to me like the realization of everything I could be but for some reason I'm not.

I just spent a lot of time reading it tonight and it seems, whatever I've accomplished, she's done something 100 times bigger and better. And don't get me wrong; I'm more than thankful for everything that I have, I'm not whining (ok, maybe just a little). I know I should use this person's life as a model, something to strive for, and see it as a positive thing and quit beating myself up...or, more likely I'll just quit reading it. Can anyone recommend a good "down on their luck" blog? Anyone? Quick, get me 20 CCs of depressed loser blog...STAT.

Replies: 3 Comments

on Friday, July 23rd,">Jackie said

E: so this link to this blog is not a 'down on your luck' blog - but it just strikes me as hilarious sometimes. The blogger is pretty off-the-wall, sometimes sarcastic, mean, or just wierd.
You could check out blogs by depressed people, I guess, if you want a downer...
Happy Friday!

on Friday, July 23rd,">Elise said

Hee hee, no Jackie, I don't want a downer, I was just joking. Like, after reading the blog of a real over-achiever I wanted to read the blog of an under-achiever so I could feel better about myself.

Did you ever see my resopnse to your Kodiak school librarian comment? My friend is taking your sister-in-laws spot temporarily while your sister-in-law is working on her MLIS. Wierd eh?

And I'll check out the picklejuice blog, they sound just like my kind of blogger!

on Monday, July 26th,">Jackie said

E: Yes - I did read that bit about your friend taking my sis-in-law's job - her name is Laurie Madsen. I guess she'll be done with school next year - she did go to spring & summer classes, or something. I am not in touch with her or my big brother except by word of mouth through other family. THe world is a small place - especially when you're from Alaska.
Pickle Juice is one of my favorite blogs - just because you never know what the postings will be - a rant, a rave (rarely), stream-of-consciousness ramblings... And the blogger makes Michigan seem like a God-forsaken place no-one would ever want to visit.