03/31/2005: "All by myself, donít wanna be, all by myselfÖanymore"
Rick left early and I had already asked for Thurs-Fri off from work thinking heíd still be here and Iíd be getting ready for the show and now I have no show and no Rick and I donít know what to do with myself. Iíve been wandering around the house all day in my pajamas. I read ďFaking ItĒ about a woman who paints forgeries, took several naps and watched too much TV.
Itís ironic that for the past several years Iíve *always* been working under a deadline and would fantasize about all the things Iíd do if I had the free time, and now that I have the time, Iím bored out of my mind. Maybe I'm the kind of artist that *needs* a deadline? or maybe I just need to put these paintings off to the side for awhile and try something new?
Anyway, I've been invited to a big party at the Juneau Yacht Club tomorrow to gear up for the new sailing season, I'm going to try and force myself to go but my heart just isn't in it. To be honest, I'm feeling really sad. It took me quite awhile to get used to not living with Rick and now it feels like having to start all over again. Sometimes I think itís harder to have something and have it taken away, than to never have had it at all. I guess Iíll just have to be sad (and bored) for awhile and wait for it to pass.