Alaskan Artist - Elise Tomlinson
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04/15/2005: "STILL AWAKE!"


It's 6:00am and I'm still awake...I really have stayed up all night doing my taxes...I think I really made a mess of them too, I kept switching figures around to and fro. I'm very relieved that I'm taking them to a professional, although I *may* have led the accountant to believe that he'd only have to double check my figures and it will probably be much more time consuming than that.

Not to mention the fact that I didn't get around to even starting my 2003 return. I just shoved all the documents into some envelopes. This guy is going to hate me. I *really* am serious about being a better business woman I just don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I have to chair a faculty senate sub-committee meeting at 10:30 and then I have a 3 hour curriculum committee meeting after that! argh...so sleepy sooo sooooooo sleepy. I can't go to sleep now, I'll never get up again, and I promised the tax man I'd get him this mess by 8:00am.

After doing my taxes I'm starting to have some *serious* doubts that I will *ever* get to the point where I can make a living at this. It seems I put every spare moment outside my day job into it and I have practically nothing to show for all my slaving away.


Replies: 4 Comments

on Friday, April 15th, greg said

Ohhh sleeepy grrrrl! I definitely sense your anguish and can relate to your struggle (which is why I'm becoming "regular" here, but you are several steps waaay ahead of me!), but you should feel better after stooopid taxes are done and you get some sleep!

This site, your works, and dreams, equal way beyond "practically nothing"!!! Sorry but you can't quit now, that's all there is to it!
To "show for it" I look at your gallery #1 and see some incredibly strong work, and yer still young, and just getting better! :)

and hey! once those acctg skills improve and that home gallery opens ....! :cool:

on Friday, April 15th, Elise said

Well, it's nearly 3 in the afternoon now and I'm so tired I think it's become physical imposible for me to sleep.

I left work after my last meeting, feeling pretty sick and newly elected as the chair of curriculum committee for the next two years...the most horrible fate that could befall an academic! It serves me right for attending a meeting while I was practically hallucinating from lack of sleep. (I know I was staring with what probably seemed like passion, at the ear lobe of the guy sitting next to me. I kept trying to picture what his inner ear would look like).

But thanks for the kind words Greg, they come at a good time. I've been feeling dark all afternoon. To add insult to injury I didn't do my taxes right and my new tax accountant ended up filing an extention for me after all.

But you're right, it's much better to focus on the positive things, the small accomplishments and not just compare ourselves relentlessly to younger and more accomplished pricks...oops, did I say that?

I sound like one of Holly's old carmudgeons now.
:plain:

on Friday, April 15th, holly said

You make it sound like I keep curmudgeons in a cage in my basement (and you promised you wouldn't tell!). I hate being so tired I can't sleep. I'm always like that when I come back from a conference. And of course, everything seems darker when you're exhausted. Ditto what Greg said. Plus, you are essentially in a fulltime professional position *and* doing the equivalent of running your own business and manufacturing the goods. You've got a lot to show for slaving away.

Now go to sleep.

on Saturday, April 16th, Elise said

You mean you aren't keeping curmudgeons down there?

My bad.

The sleep has given me a less fatalistic picture of reality. Thanks for the encouragement. I won't be packing it in just yet anyway.