04/28/2005: "Time to wonder again...Is being an artist worth it?"
For the longest time my life has consisted of painting every night and most of every weekend. Since deciding to take some time off from exhibiting the amount of time I spend in the studio has plummeted. Instead I work in my garden, meet friends after work for drinks, read a book, you know...have a life.
I finally have time to get my sailboat hauled so I can scrub, bottom coat it, and change the zincs. I ran into the skipper of the Haiku at the neighborhood pub tonight and he got me all excited about getting out on the water, best of all, now I'll actually have the time to do it.
On Sat. morning I'm going to the women's hockey try outs. I have close friends playing hockey already and the rink is just 2 blocks from my house! I thought I'd never have time for it but maybe I do?
Plus I've been enjoying myself so much lately; cooking these great healthy dinners...no take-out in weeks. For me, being an artist isn't something I can do in a balanced way. I'm either obsessed with it, working constantly and fuck all else...but as soon as I start to spend time just hanging out and relaxing, it's hard to get back into the monolithic mind-set I need to really produce my best work.
Worst of all, Iím not sure I want to. I don't know if it's the sunshine, but sometimes I wonder if I'd be a healthier and happier person if I just quit. I know realistically that I could never do that, but artists walk away all the time, right?