Alaskan Artist - Elise Tomlinson
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10/18/2005: "To sleep per chance to dream"

Ever since I was a kid, if I got too stressed out about something my first line of defense was sleep. I could sleep forever if I was really upset about something. But there always came a point where I just physically couldn't sleep anymore. Then this wierd kind of surreal numbness would take over, where I didn't feel like doing anything...listening to music or going for a walk or watching TV...nothing appealed to me but I was wide awake so I'd lay in bed and worry about all the things I was trying to avoid with the sensation of being inside a bubble or something.

I've been feeling that way again this fall. I thought having a party would lift me out of it but really it didn't. The party itself was fun but I spent a lot of money and now my house is really trashed again and all the things I wanted to avoid are still there worse than ever because I didn't get caught up on some of the work I thought I would over the weekend. I think I'm going to force myself to go back to the gym this week, I know that exercise would make me feel better (and I'm looking into those full-spectrum lights) so hopefully this won't last much longer.

Replies: 7 Comments

on Tuesday, October 18th, onahon said

i understand how you feel. hang in there.

on Tuesday, October 18th, Elise said

Hey sweetie, I meant to email you back this week but I'm so behind in my email and I wanted to write a real letter. Thanks so much for the present from ona, very cool! She is such a doll!!!!

Anyway, I will email you soon, or maybe even phone (gasp!)...if I can just keep from falling asleep.

on Saturday, October 22nd, Elaine Mari said

Hello Elise, I found your journal link on Anna Conti's site and came accross this entry. It sounds so familiar. I grew up in Newfoundland, Canada where the days are short in winter and the summer is short short short. The sleep till you can't sleep anymore is very familiar, the worry (there is no end to worry) also. What has helped me is homeopathic treatment. If you have a homeopath handy to you, give it a try. The lights helped but there was still the underlying 'whatever' there.

on Saturday, October 22nd, Elise said

We do have some homeopaths here but I get nervous about that kind of thing, not sure why...

But thanks for the suggestion, if I get desperate enough I might give it a try.

BTW, I think it's pretty cool that you grew up in Newfoundland, it seems so exotic, I've always wanted to visit there.

on Sunday, October 23rd, Elaine Mari said

"exotic Newfoundland" You know, you are not the first person to say that, but, I guess Nfld. is like every place, it has it's good points and it's not so good. That said. I love it and am tied to it through several generations. It is profoundly beautiful and definately outside of the rest of North America in a big way.

"homeopathy" "that sort of thing" What sort of thing?

on Sunday, October 23rd, Elise said

"that sort of thing"? I see going to a homeopath the same as going to an MD...scary, so I avoid it like the plauge.

on Monday, October 24th, Elaine said

"medical plague"

Oh, I'm with you there.

btw, I share your wish to vist interesting places like Nfld. I have always romanticized Alaska and some of your photos of it are astounding.