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01/04/2006: "Disappearing Act"
Night falling on the city
Quite something to behold
Don’t it just look so pretty
This disappearing world
- David Gray
So I'm home again and back to my normal routines. I have food in the fridge and a clean house and about 30 blank canvases staring me down. I remember this one moment shortly before I left for vacation, with extreme clarity. I was sitting with a small pile of drawings I had done in Photoshop- thumbnails for new paintings I was getting ready to start...I had done them all in the space of a few hours and I thought, holy shit, I have enough ideas, enough images, to keep me working forever!
I could see them all marching in line like Fantasian mops, one after the other, months or maybe years worth of paintings coming down the pike with me, the cocky sorcerer’s apprentice, waving my magic wand. What the hell happened? I blamed it on being "home" in Nebraska, away from my studio and Photoshop and on the holidays etc. but I have no excuses now. There's just nothing in there anymore and it's disappointing to the point of tears. Literally. I sat in front of my easel for nearly 20 minutes tonight crying until my eyes physically hurt. I look like I've smoked about 40 bowls in a row. The illusion that this was ever going to get any easier has vanished.