04/08/2006: "On being visited by a talentless muse..."
I find myself in a strange place.
1. I am happy, full of energy, and feel hopelessly optimistic about the future
2. I find that I have limitless volumes of ideas and wonderful images in my head
3. I am not in a "slump"
4. I seem to have forgotten how to paint
I'm used to going through "down" times. When I sort of slow down to entropic levels in mind, body and spirit. I use these times to work on things that don't require a lot of creative energy. Book keeping, ordering supplies, washing my brushes, etc. All the things I let slide when I'm in the grips of a creative frenzy.
What I'm not used to is being up and having the desire to create along with images available at nearly intolerable levels, and yet being completely impotent to execute anything with any degree of skill.
I wanted to spend this weekend working on paintings that I've already started, try to finish some up, but I seem to be only making them worse. I thought to myself last night (after ruining painting #2) that perhaps it was the universe telling me to work on some of my new ideas. So, I started a few new canvases and they blow just as badly. I want to paint. I am enjoying it on a tactile level. But emotionally I can't help feeling a bit confused.
I should mention that I was painting with oils last night. My tried and true friends. The ones I thought I knew so well, the ones I thought kept no more secrets or surprises from me. the rat bastards!