04/12/2006: "Reluctance to share"
I’ve worked hard the past couple of days, painting 4 or more hours a night after getting home from work. I’ve made significant changes to 3 paintings you’ve already seen, and have a good start on a totally new one. This morning I had my camera out, planning to snap a few shots to post here but I hesitated.
There are things about these paintings I’m not sure I like. For one thing, behind the nudes you can see down into valleys. I’ve used a lot of green for the valleys…a really green green, like a crayola green. If I were an art critic I’d say, “too much green”…and that I should muddy them up a bit, mix in some brown or red iron oxide or maybe even yellow ochre…the problem is…I *think* I like the green. It may be “unsophisticated” but I don’t care.
How is it I can realize something is probably “wrong” with them but not want to change them either…so, that’s why I don’t want to post them because I’m afraid that if I get reactions like…Damn Elise, that’s a lot of green! I’ll cave and tone them down, or, I’ll decide on my own that I can’t live with the green and change it but it will appear as though I’ve caved and then ultimately I think “why the hell should I even give a damn!”…but I do.
It’s strange how (and I’m sure I’m not alone here) I can look at a painting and think that either I absolutely love it, or it’s total shit. I feel completely schizo. I have to force myself to shut off the obsessive art center of my brain while I’m at my job since I have a ton of work that needs to be done but it’s so easy for my mind to wander…wander back to my canvases and all the things I want to do there.