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05/17/2006: "Where do I go from here?"
I'm having another existential crisis. This happens a lot after finishing a show, basically I have all of these clean white surfaces in front of me, and I realize all the different directions I could take and it makes me crazy. Part of me wants to continue with what I've been doing, figurative work in landscapes, colorful stylized compositions, peaceful and beautiful (at least to me) and yet...
I'm not feeling peaceful or beautiful. I'm feeling angry. I'm feeling a lot of political angst. I want to express it but I'm not sure I have the visual vocabulary to do it (can anger be cadmium yellow?). Plus... I don't want to come off as a preachy self-important illustrator (and no I don't have anything against illustrators!). There's no one saying I have to do all one or the other, but it helps me to think in terms of a body of work, individual pieces that speak louder as a whole.
Another idea I'm having is to do hundreds of very small, intimate pieces (6x6 and smaller)...or...(as I say all the time but never do) get back into mixed media...print, projection, video...sometimes having so many possible directions to go in can be absolutely stifling. I just had a long conversation with one of my high school friends, my dreamer friend who always encourages. Having someone who motivates and excites you is so important; now I have all the inspiration I can handle, I just need someone to tell me what to do with it.