05/30/2006: "Force yourself to take a chance from time to time"
It used to feel like everyone was running off somewhere to be fabulous together with me left behind. I've been through periods of feeling totally isolated and lonely as Iíd retreat further and further into my art, wanting so desperately for my own company to be enough because I'm never *the* most important person in the world to anyone and that can be unsettling.
So, how is it I currently feel more centered and alive ever? I guess lately I've been really forcing myself to get out there. Yesterday I got a call from Rod, whom I love and who always makes me laugh and right after we hung up the phone rang again and I thought it was him so I actually answered (GASP!) but it was Aaron who I met at the gallery awhile back (with the same boat who lives up the street). Heís called several times but you know me and the whole weird phone phobia thing but in this case I accidentally picked up and he asked me to come down to the docks, I said I would try even though in my mind I was thinking I probably wouldn't.
Then next Michael (the author and adventurer who had seen my show poster and felt a strong connection with my work) called and wanted to meet. I was really nervous about it because he's very accomplished and I generally feel like a rube, I wanted to just stay home and curl up on the couch in my jammies but I *made* myself go. Wow, I'm so glad I did! He's such an amazing guy and it was incredible how many similar experiences weíve had. I am still blown away by his generosity and his sincere desire to help me gain exposure as an artist (out of the goodness of his heart). He gave me signed copies of his books *and* bought a painting! Yahoo! We plan to keep in touch; he had such great energy, our meeting was very inspirational!
Then, wad of sold painting cash in hand and feeling fresh confidence in myself, I decided to go down to the docks afterall. I donít know if you have ever met someone whom you instantly felt like old friends with but thatís how I feel with Aaron, totally comfortable. He is such a funny, laid back and friendly guy, he showed me some real Macgyver tricks for my boat and then asked if I'd like to take his boat "Opportunity" (I shit you not!) out with him. Again, my first impulse was NO! But I thought, what the hell...and it ended up being a perfect sail. Sitting there in the boat, waterfalls on either side of us, the sound of the wind and the waves, I kept wondering: how did I get so lucky?
But luck wasn't so much a part of it, I could have sat home all day, not answered the phone being a hermitish blob like usual...I guess my whole point is even if your life feels predictable or you feel lonely or empty, just remember that you have the power to change things... that in a year (or a month or day) from now you could be somewhere new, with smile the size of Alaska on your face. As the banner on Granny Gets a Vibrator reads: Itís never too late!