09/09/2006: "The Things We Never Say Out Loud"

Tonight I wrote a brief email, did a spell check and everything, and when I was finished I read it a couple times, then deleted it. I knew I’d never send it but just writing it made me feel better. God knows there are a couple of real horror shows out there from me (you lucky recipients know who you are), sent on nights when I wasn’t so...erm...sober.

Have you ever felt yourself clicking the SEND button and, it’s like starting to slam your car door shut just as you realize the keys are inside…you want to stop but the forward momentum makes it too late, and you stand there for a moment in shocked silence thinking. OMFG! What have I done?

Well, there will be no hazy “it’s all coming back to me” Wake of Shame in the morning this time! *pats self on back*

In oddly related news...I gave a lecture today (well, technically yesterday since it's 2:30am) for an upper division English class about my experiences as a blogger and one student asked if I was ever afraid of making myself too accessible, by the kinds of personal things I write about here.

I told her (because they are starting a blogging assignment) that it’s up to each of us to decide how much of ourselves we choose to reveal. To some it may seem like I let it all hang out, but trust me, there are *so* many more things that I don’t say….could never admit in “public”. I have spent hours writing posts only to delete them.

Sometimes the only one you really need to explain things to...is yourself.

Replies: 4 Comments

on Saturday, September 9th, Kasia said

I know the feeling very well. I have done and said a lot of stupid things. Sometimes we just do things faster than we think, but I try not to regret them if they didn't hurt anyone. And the worst thing is to look at your face in the mirror.
But on the other hand I keep asking myslef- why are we adding fuel to that? People make mistakes. So do we. We have a right to be wrong.

on Saturday, September 9th, Elise said

Hi Kasia, yes, we have the right to be wrong and to say stupid things. Hopefully, if the person on the receiving end cares about us they'll understand.

And if they don't care about us, then...screw them!
:P

on Tuesday, September 12th, berry bowman connell said

Dang, I do the other thing, sometimes.
I usually don't say much on m'blog, but then, at someone elses site, I just open up like a can of green beans.

And, t'be sure, way too many times I'm sure it's been a case of TMI.

on Tuesday, September 12th, Elise said

Just remember Berry, that if people do a search on your name, all the posts you've made on other people's blogs will also come up...not that you've ever said anything I can recall that was TMI.
:satisfied: