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09/16/2006: "Can you turn back *after* you pass the fork in the road?"
Well, I've taken the job in WA but in the meantime, my life in Juneau is better than ever. Iíve been a lot more social, accepting invitations to do things and go places nearly every night of the week. Tonight I went out to dinner with some new faculty from the Social Sciences; they have just arrived in Juneau and I found myself feeling so envious of them.
By really diving into life here lately, my attachments to Juneau have grown even stronger. I donít know if the feelings are real, or simply a side-effect of the upcoming move though. Several people have told me lately that itís better to go back on your word than to honor a committment that's really wrong for you. Iím not that kind of person though. When I give my word, thatís it, I donít go back on it. I just canít help the constant nagging doubts about my decision to leave Alaska.
Iíve been so emotional lately too; all of my feelings are mixed together so that I canít tell whatís what anymore. Normally my instincts are so spot on so Iím not used to so much second-guessing. I do know that if/when I leave, Iíll miss everything Iím leaving behind a lot more than I originally realized. My cozy little house, my boat, my tenured faculty job (over the summer I forgot how much I adore teaching) and most of all, the incredible people in my life. I keep asking myselfÖwhy? Why did I do this?
So I ask you, if you make a committment to something that has the potential of being a giant mistake, is it *always* better to see it through no matter what?