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09/16/2006: "Can you turn back *after* you pass the fork in the road?"
Well, I've taken the job in WA but in the meantime, my life in Juneau is better than ever. I’ve been a lot more social, accepting invitations to do things and go places nearly every night of the week. Tonight I went out to dinner with some new faculty from the Social Sciences; they have just arrived in Juneau and I found myself feeling so envious of them.
By really diving into life here lately, my attachments to Juneau have grown even stronger. I don’t know if the feelings are real, or simply a side-effect of the upcoming move though. Several people have told me lately that it’s better to go back on your word than to honor a committment that's really wrong for you. I’m not that kind of person though. When I give my word, that’s it, I don’t go back on it. I just can’t help the constant nagging doubts about my decision to leave Alaska.
I’ve been so emotional lately too; all of my feelings are mixed together so that I can’t tell what’s what anymore. Normally my instincts are so spot on so I’m not used to so much second-guessing. I do know that if/when I leave, I’ll miss everything I’m leaving behind a lot more than I originally realized. My cozy little house, my boat, my tenured faculty job (over the summer I forgot how much I adore teaching) and most of all, the incredible people in my life. I keep asking myself…why? Why did I do this?
So I ask you, if you make a committment to something that has the potential of being a giant mistake, is it *always* better to see it through no matter what?