Alaskan Artist - Elise Tomlinson
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09/20/2006: "No matter how far down the wrong road you go, you still have to turn back eventually"


OK, those of you who fall into the “Keep Your Commitments No Matter What” camp will probably lose some respect for me but I’ve decided to stay in Juneau after all. I asked my boss “is it too late for me to keep my job” and she said “no”. She seems very happy in fact, that I am going to stay.

The *really* tough part was contacting the person who had hired me in Centralia. He is such a great guy, I know he would have been wonderful to work for and the fact that he was so gracious when I declined the job…only made me feel worse somehow. I just know that I wasn’t the right fit for their institution and I know it wouldn’t have been fair to them if I went down all half-hearted and miserable.

So, what have I learned from all of this?

1. I am an Alaskan and I doubt I will ever be able to leave here; the very idea of it makes me unbelievably sad.

2. Happiness is not about the constant drive to attain or accomplish “more”, it’s often about the appreciation and enjoyment of what you already have.

3. People are actually more important to me than my art (this was a true revelation!).

4. The artistic inspiration that I derive from Southeast Alaska is priceless to me.

5. I *love* my job at the University of Alaska Southeast.

6. It’s never too late to change the things we don’t like about ourselves. (i.e. being an eccentric reclusive painter).

I know that the things that made life in Juneau difficult in the past (constant rain) will still be here. Things aren't magically going to get and stay better forever. There may even be days I regret this decision (though I highly doubt that). But when those days arrive I'm going to remind myself of how I feel right now, basking in the rosy glow of a community that I love, and that apparently loves me back.

Now I'm all verklempt...talk amongst yourselves...the Surgeon General is neither a surgeon, nor a general...discuss!



Replies: 39 Comments

on Wednesday, September 20th, Bea said

I was having a hard time adjusting to the idea of you not being in Alaska. Now I get another chance to make it up there for the summer solstice...

You could live an incredible life anywhere, but I am very happy for you that you have your place that you love.

on Wednesday, September 20th, Elise said

I think a lot of my friends from Outside were feeling that way.

Hey, remember our trip to Denali, I think we ate pizza in our tent right there in bear territory if I'm not mistaken?

Good times!

It would be AWESOME if you could come back for the solstice...let's plan on it, OK?

on Wednesday, September 20th, patrick said

See! I told Marna if we missed your party you'd have to stay!

Ha!

Jus' kidding. But truthfully, now you are going to have to have some more parties so we can rejoice in your rekindled Alaskan-ness!

on Wednesday, September 20th, Elise said

I wondered what happened to you two! You're invited to my next Karaoke Revolution Party...

Whoo Hoo!

on Thursday, September 21st, Katy said

OH Elise, I can't believe you are not going to Centralia !!. HI, I have never posted / written you before but I have been following your tales for the last few weeks. I have a job offer in Anchorage and found the Q/A section of you blog while searching for more information on living in Alaska. I know Anchorage is not anybody's 1st choice (too much of a big city) but it is a good job. I have not made up my mind yet. Having been in Centralia a few times during my travels, I always liked it, seemed very quaint and small town but it looks like you live in paradise right now. Your photo are beautiful and I know plenty of people who would cut off their right arm (well maybe not cut it off) to live in such a beautiful place. Good for you for following your heart ! No matter where you live, one's life is greatly enhanced by good friends who will be there for you and love you no matter what !! Sorry to ramble... looking forward to hearing how excited everybody will be that you are staying.
Katy

on Thursday, September 21st, Katy said

OH Elise, I can't believe you are not going to Centralia !!. HI, I have never posted / written you before but I have been following your tales for the last few weeks. I have a job offer in Anchorage and found the Q/A section of you blog while searching for more information on living in Alaska. I know Anchorage is not anybody's 1st choice (too much of a big city) but it is a good job. I have not made up my mind yet. Having been in Centralia a few times during my travels, I always liked it, seemed very quaint and small town but it looks like you live in paradise right now. Your photo are beautiful and I know plenty of people who would cut off their right arm (well maybe not cut it off) to live in such a beautiful place. Good for you for following your heart ! No matter where you live, one's life is greatly enhanced by good friends who will be there for you and love you no matter what !! Sorry to ramble... looking forward to hearing how excited everybody will be that you are staying.
Katy

on Thursday, September 21st, ktinsd@yahoo.com">katy said

Sorry, it posted twice. I got impatient with my slow connection and hit the submit button twice !!

on Thursday, September 21st, willow said

Well you know how I feel about you staying! :D

on Thursday, September 21st, Elise said

hi Katy,
I acutally lived in Anchorage for a long time and my sister and brother-in-law still live there so I go up quite often to visit them.

All I have to say is that I love Anchorage and I loved living there. Of course, a lot has changed since I lived there, and also, I went to college while there so I had a lot of friends and I'm not sure how easy it is to meet people these days...plus, crime has gotten worse, there is more gang violence. There was a shooting right behind my sister's house!

Still, there are amazing trails in the city, cute places to eat out and shop, roads that go all over South Central Alaska when you want to get out of town. I would have moved back to Anchorage after grad school if there had been an immediate job opening, but instead I ended up here. And I hated it here at first (just like I initially hated Anchorage) but I think you just have to give a new place some time.

Let me know if you do take the job in Anchorage and I'll introduce you to my sister, her husband is in Afghanistan right now and she's working and taking care her baby but her best friend just moved away and I know she's lonely.
:(
But she's AWESOME!

And Willow, yes, thanks for reminding me of the wonderful aspects of remote island living!
:P

on Thursday, September 21st, Kasia said

YES!!! :))
A dialogue between me and my boyfriend:
He: How's Elsie from Alska?
Me: Oh, she is almost no more Alaskan..
He: ???
Me: She's moving..
He: Where?
Me: Washinghton..
He: Elise form Washington? Hm..Elise from Alaska sounded better.
:hehe:

on Thursday, September 21st, Kasia said

Sorry for "Elsie"!!!

on Thursday, September 21st, Katy said

Elsie,
How wonderful you wrote me back! And so soon. Yes I will let you know if I come up to Anchorage. The offer is not on the table yet, so we will see. It would be a big break in my career, so cross you fingers. If I do come up I will contact your sister. She must be very lonley with her husband so far away, and now her best now gone too. I will look her up and take her and the baby to lunch.
Cheers !!
Katy

on Thursday, September 21st, The Rob said

hmmmm. whatever.

I am GLAD you are staying.

BUT. [yes a big but]

You have to get a new car. That thing is a total clunker. I am not a big material eater/high mass consumer, but it is time to let her go. Let the tracker go Elise. She is done. It is her time. Get an Element or a Ford Escape Hybrid.

Put the Tracker down.

on Thursday, September 21st, Elise said

Yes, my name is spelled E l i s e, not E l s i e, that is kind of a sore spot for me...I don't like the name Elsie.

Anyway, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you Katy!

And "The Rob"...

hmmm. whatever?

OK, people who I thought couldn't care less if I stayed are being a lot more enthusiastic about my news than people I thought would actually give a shit.

hmmm. whatever.

on Thursday, September 21st, robroys@robroys.com">Tobor Re said

I like making up names. I just wanted it to settle in for a bit. I give a shit.

I have a big slice of wanderlust right now, so I am disappointed that you are not embarking on a new adventure. Does that make sense? It is like that gnome from Amelie. I cannot go anywhere so the thought of you going was comforting somehow. *sigh*

American Masters on PBS is doing a 2 part 4 hour-long special on Andy Warhol. I may not like his art that much, but his journey is striking a familiar chord with me. There is a moment when he heard the call of the new, and he listened. It is just a romantic urge to look for the new in some far off place. Yes, Centralia to me had a romantic call in a weird way.

on Thursday, September 21st, robroys@robroys.com">Rob Roys said

hee-hee-i just read what i wrote.

You are my art gnome.

ooo, instead of lawn gnomes, famous artist yard gnomes. patent that one!

on Thursday, September 21st, Elise said

Oh OK, that makes sense I guess. Just so you know though, the day before I asked for my old job back I had been exchanging some emails with the person who had held my new job before me. She had an administrative background and she still found herself putting in 50-60 hours a week! The job would probably require even more time from me, a newbie to upper level management.

I may have been fantasizing about travel and having shows in funky new galleries in Washington and Portland, but the truth is, my art would have suffered. I just don’t have an endless supply of energy, ya know?

Also, I realized how much of my artistic inspiration comes from here, and maybe I could have found new inspiration down there, but what if I couldn’t. I remember Daniel asked awhile back how I see myself, as an artist with a really cool day job, or as an Associate Dean who paints. That was a hard one.

Part of my deal with myself when I decided to stay in Juneau, was that I’m going to take a trip out of the country this year, no matter what. I’m going to save up for it, and I’m going to go. It may be in relation to an artist retreat, or I may just go back to my little village in the mountains of Southern Spain and rent an apt. for a month. However it works out, I’m going to MAKE myself get out more often. If that means driving my beat up nasty ass tracker for awhile longer then that’s what’s going to have to happen.

Whew…I didn’t mean to write a book but I guess you’ve touched a nerve for me too…I have to say though, considering my size I don’t particularly like the “art gnome” concept.
:cry:

on Thursday, September 21st, robroys@robroys.com">Nomnel said

Now you know.
Certainty has a value.

It me a long time to figure out too.

Can I come over and watch Andy Warhol tonight? ER is on and I do not want to fight Pagan over the tv... I have $7.00 for pizza.

on Thursday, September 21st, dad said

:O I watched Andy Warhol last night to it was very informative I can relate to his stuff pop art. to. MAJOR BUCKS FOR SOUP SUCH IS LIFE :laugh:

on Thursday, September 21st, Elise said

YEAH!

I'd *love* it if you could come over for Warhol goodness tonight. I'm working from home today so come over whenever and we can order take-out when you get here.

And dad, I'm surprised that you like Warhol, but I also think it's really cool that you watched the special about him.

you're a hip daddy-o

on Thursday, September 21st, robroys@robroys.com">Lord Gallery Master said

You have a show in 12 months. Get painting.

on Thursday, September 21st, Elise said

So, the show's back on then? That would be Oct. 07 (not 08?) that would be tres cool.

Speaking of which, maybe I can meet you at the gallery tonight after you get off work so I can pick up my things?

on Thursday, September 21st, marja-leena said

Don't worry about having "lost respect" because you changed your mind, Elise! You have very obviously listened to your heart and given consideration to the artist in you as well! At least you gave a lot of notice to your employers so they can still plan properly. Hooray, I'm glad you are happy! (Sorry my comment is so late - I've been reading but haven't had time to write until now - such a busy month!)

on Thursday, September 21st, Emily said

:)
Hallilujah! Or however you spell that. Elise, thank god. What were we going to do without you?

on Thursday, September 21st, Elise said

Hi Marja-leena! I feel incredible relief and happiness at my choice and I only hope that Centralia will be able to find the absolute perfect person for the job...(and no worries, I know how busy you've been!)

And Emily! I'm so glad that I ran into you at the A&P on Sunday. It's funny because they didn't end up having what I needed and I had to drive out to Freddies but that loooong conversation in front of the panty hose came at the perfect time.

It was just what I needed to hear too, seeing Juneau through the eyes of someone who'd gone down south and worked so hard to get back here...I knew I'd feel just the same.

So, thank you! Now, when are you going to have me down to Iona for tea???

on Thursday, September 21st, Jackie said

E: Sorry I've been 'absent' for a while. Actually, I've been lurking - but not able to read your blog and others as often as usual. Work has been pretty hectic.

So - WOW! I don't think you should feel guilty about changing your mind - after all, isn't that a woman's prerogative? Sad you won't becoming a resident of the Evergreen State - but it sounds like your new job would've take a BIG bite out of your art time. That's an easy decision to make! :hehe:

Guess I'll just have to wait to meet you IRL until I fly through Juneau, or you travel back to the Emerald City. :cry:

Rotsa Ruck!

on Thursday, September 21st, Daniel North said

Good Decision or Bad Decision... Very Good Decision. As long as you enjoy your Alaskan life, the rest of us get to as well! And this is coming from a guy that doesn't like to stay put.

on Thursday, September 21st, greg said

HA! :D ... well you really had us goin'! It was a fun ride while it lasted. Dang I think I'm missing the first episode of Lost tonight for this ... ;)

...but seriously, Elise from Alaska dOes sound better.

And if you already have a job you adore (tenured even!), a show to do, and your boat (need a new car anyway), and yer all set up ... why the heck not stay?? :cool:

I bet you have the best, not too cold, sunniest winter ever! Right where ya be!:)

on Thursday, September 21st, greg said

Crap, it was the new episode of "Survivor" I "missed" ... blew that joke.

but let me clarify, with all respect, while I may laugh, and any blog-related, entertainment/drama factor aside, I appreciate having to make such a difficult real-life decision. It couldn't have been easy, and I know a lot of us here were rooting for you no matter what.

You'll just have to come down some other time, to visit some "real" Seattle galleries, and hang with Jackie, me and "my" Elise (we already have an Elise from Washington :) ) ... who also hates people calling her Elsie ...

What's weird is I've just spoken to two friends who are talking about moving to Olympia. I thought you might be following a trend!

on Thursday, September 21st, Elise said

Hi Jackie, I bet we will meet IRL one of these days, I wasn't moving down there until late november and I'm likely to be passing through around then anyway...that means you too Greg!

I missed the first Grey's Anatomy tonight to watch the special on Andy Warhol, which was excellent but made me realize how unproductive I am as an artist. I felt envious and also inspired...just by how prolific he was.

And Daniel, I was thinking about your traveling art movement and while I like the idea of it very much, I realize that I think I'm going to like staying put for a change. I think we do need a change of scenery to shake things up, but I think taking advantage of a month off in the summer to stay in an exotic locale might be the next best thing.

Oh, and thanks everyone for being a sounding board to my constant shifting emotions through all this. I'm normally a lot more stable (ok, slightly more stable) but still...
:laugh:

on Friday, September 22nd, Dio said

Doing what makes you happy is the only goal we should all have - good for you for staying put. :)

I'd have missed them Alaskan photos as well :)

on Friday, September 22nd, subi said

it takes a hell of a lot of courage to change your mind and go with your 'feelings' . . . i'm glad you are staying, and it's good that you had the opportunity and ambition to go but still the possibility to rethink your decision, change your mind, and realize you 'choose' Juneau, and AK, kwim? and i do think the move would have affected your art, etc

I didn't want to be judgemental earlier on, but I just had such a strong feeling that you would be miserable outside AK. (even tho it sounded like a beautiful place and opportunity and would be much easier to visit you) I still don't think I've adjusted again to the lower48, or anywhere else! is that possible? i miss AK so, and hope to come again one day and visit you !!!

oh yeah and exotic locals...hmmm... the alps??? a Stella would say, Komm zu mir!

on Friday, September 22nd, Elise said

Hey Dio! Well, my pics from here will never be as good as yours from Wales but at least the natural beauty of the place gives a "point-and-clicker" like me a chance! Doing what makes us happy is a good goal, it's really too bad when making that decision detrimentally affects other people though (as in the search committee in Centralia) I still feel terrible about that, but in the long run, this will be much better for them.

And Subi, YOU WE'RE RIGHT! I should have listened to you way back when. I do think it's funny you mention that you've never been able to adjust to the lower 48 when you've been living in Switzerland for so many years now, but I get what you mean.

The month after I accepted the position in WA I missed Alaska everyday, even though I was still here...I can't imagine how much worse it would have gotten if I'd actually left the state!

btw, they announced the dividend amount for this year yesterday...it's $1,106.96. Yeah!
:hehe:

on Friday, September 22nd, greg said

gee - forgot about those alaskan bonus dividend checks!

... how 'bout "we" all move to Alaska instead? ... how big's yer place?? :hehe:

on Saturday, September 23rd, RR said

chomp chomp chomp......that's me eating my words :blush: Despite all the advice about moving and taking the plunge etc etc....I also believe that what's for you won't go by you. For you, it must be right not to go. Again, another choice you made, so good on you for having the courage to work out what you really feel is best for you. And I suppose if you'd gone to Alaska, I wouldn't be able to say I knew anyone there any longer. :)

on Saturday, September 23rd, Elise said

Hey Greg, the dividend is something I've been getting since I was 18 years old. It's not a *huge* amount of money, but psychologically I was having a hard time thinking of giving it up.

And RR, I'm eating my own words too (do you know the expression "eat crow" in Scotland?) a friend wrote me "eat salmon, not crow!" I thought that was hilarious.

And yes, now you sill know someone in Alaska so...the next time you're passing through...
:P

on Saturday, September 23rd, RR said

I guess the nearest we probably have is "eating humble pie" but I've always thought of that as more English than Scottish - Tudor I think. And Salmon would definitely fit better here - I like that. One of these days I'd love to get to Alaska ......now where did I put that Lotto ticket? ;)

on Saturday, September 23rd, SB said

Wow, you surprised me! There goes my plan to buy your house (and sailboat), the better to attend the whole season at Perseverance...(of course, my plan did not take into account my inherent laziness, nor my denial re: my credit status and the possible cost of your abode). Still, think how marvelous for whoever it may be that gets the position outside...a 2nd chance for him/her, it might be a person with no other options and no mixed feelings about it at all.
Meantime, Juneau, like anywhere, needs at least a few people who are solidly there, and not slipsliding away in pursuit of some new career goal. You have every right to change your mind any-damn-where along the line, and it doesn't seem to have hurt anyone at all. Made a lot of people in Juneau happy, I bet, this last minute reprieve. It's all good!!

on Saturday, September 23rd, Elise said

Hi RR, you know, I'd love to visit Scotland again someday, I absolutely loved the highlands, soooo gorgeous, it reminds me a little of Southeast Alaska.

And SB, do we know each other? Are you here in Juneau? email me if you'd like to stay anonymous on the blog (if you like) I just don't recognize your initials and it sounds like you're from here.
:blush: