11/17/2006: "Being Peace, Part II"
Yesterday a co-worker I don’t know very well said “Elise, you know…you’ve really changed since the summer”...and it was a compliment. And she’s right. I have changed; sometimes I don’t even recognize myself.
I was so isolated, so convinced that’s how I wanted and needed to be in order to be a good “artist”…what crap! Real art is born of experience, of love and pain and being in the world.
I find I really can’t even watch TV anymore, not the way I used to. After one show I feel restless and bored. I want to *do* stuff, I want to be around real people, to talk and laugh and look into someone else’s eyes rather than stare at a screen.
Recently I’ve been feeling incredibly sad, but I’ve decided to let all that go. Just release it. Ultimately, we have the power within us to maintain our own sense of peace. It’s a matter of will. It’s a matter of remembering all the things we have: family, friends, health, employment, food and shelter…and *not* by dwelling on the things we don’t have.
I feel open to life’s possibilities in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever really felt before. I have no regrets and no fear. In fact, I think I’m ready to start painting again…only this time, not to the exclusion of everything, and everyone. I wonder how my new work will reflect the new me?