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03/09/2004: "Self Improvement?"

Art (any form of creative expression really) is one of the most powerful forces on Earth. I'm a firm believer in that.

There was this guy in college, what the hell was his name??? Eric I think. He dropped A LOT of acid so I take this with a grain of salt but...I gave him a painting once and it changed his life. One night I found him putting price tags on his possessions (I'm not making this up) he was going to sell all of his worldly goods so he could move to Seattle and raise money to build me a gallery for my work (I eventually talked him out of it).

He took everything off the walls of his apartment except for this painting that I did for him. He told me that he had this deeply spiritual experience viewing it and that it changed his entire perspective on everything. OK, yes, it did sort of freak me out, but he was very sincere. Every time I ran into him, years after that, he would go on and on about the painting and how it was still the only thing he'd let on his walls.

I know that I've seen art work that has affected me that strongly, to where I've felt weak in the knees. Music has this same affect, as do some books and movies. As a librarian I'm embarrassed to admit that movies, more than any other medium, have had the biggest influences on my life. I get that from my dad...movies have the ability to make me constantly reevaluate my perception of the world and my place in it.

I can't say what it is about this rather low budget zombie movie that makes me want to change my life but it does. I feel restless. And I feel- strong. I started day one of my NWV (new world view) with a somewhat humble half hour workout and a healthy meal of grilled veggies.

I was joking about missing being insecure about my looks, I don't want to get all wrapped up in that phony crap castle again, but I do want to be healthy. I want to have hard little wiry muscles. I want to sweat copiously, and have rosy pink cheeks, I want to spend less time on the computer, less time watching TV, and more time fighting complacency, get back to what I do best, stirring things up. I remember this person I used to be, this person I really liked. I want to get her back. I don't care if that seems lame or what prompted this desire in me, I'm just happy about it. And I'll admit it, feeling hopeful for a change.