08/12/2005: "Then and Now"

A colleague from UAA emailed me because I'd asked him (years ago) to tell me if he ever decided to leave his job because I really wanted to get back to Anchorage and UAA. It turns out that he *is* going to be leaving now, and wanted to give me a heads up in case I was still interested.

I still remember so clearly how I felt when we'd had that conversation; I was so unhappy in Juneau and homesick and so f*&!ing nostalgic for Anchorage and my former life. Plus the weather here made me incredibly sad and sleepy all the time, I didn't know my job very well, I didn't have any close friends in town...I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out.

But I stayed and everything's different now. I realized when I read his email that I have no desire to go back to Anchorage...That I've grown to *love* it here. I'm making new friends, being handed interesting opportunities, I'm even learning to adjust to all things wet and foggy and get in shape again. I want to write this down so when the darkness returns I'll remember how I feel tonight:

Full from a dinner of organic veggies, a slight red wine buz, a tidy house, a garden in late summer bloom, 2 warm bundles of fur to cuddle, soft skin that smells like coconut oil, and pjs fresh from the dryer.

Replies: 5 Comments

on Saturday, August 13th, dave from Nebraska said

You got it goin on gurl.
In your happy space.

on Saturday, August 13th, katarzynaglanc@gazeta.pl">Kasia said

I remember how it feels to want to go back somewhere. A year ago I had a chance to work in Warsaw where I had studied. I missed "the big city", but because of many different reasons I couldn't move there. So I stayed in Sochaczew - a littly town which I hated very much. now it's O.K. It's small, but it's mine, iI love my job at school and my students. Yesterday we had a few good beers with my friends and then at 2 a.m. we went to the baker's to buy a fresh hot bread. And we ate it while sitting in the park. We werelooking at the stars, because the sky was so fantastically clear. I'm at home. Definitely at home. (Besides the fact that Alaska is my state of mind:))

on Saturday, August 13th, Elise said

Happy space...I like that!

And Kasia, I think it's normal to miss what you leave behind, to get so obsessed with what you used to have that you are blind to all the new things that you do. When I first moved here I didn't make much of an effort to make a home here because in my heart I wanted to be somewhere else.

But if you give a new place a chance you can find out you love it in different ways. I love that you were able to buy fresh hot bread at 2:00am! It's good to focus on what is right in the world.

on Sunday, August 14th, Joan said

It always amazes me how we can acclimate to our surroundings and what we once despised becomes so precious to us. I heard a thing on the radio the other day regarding decisions...there is not necessarily a right and wrong (although sometimes I think there is) and it's not a sort of "test" that if we fail we will be abandoned. God is with us always and He goes where we do...ALWAYS. To me, that is a comforting thought. I know I've made decisions that I've regretted - large decisions - and I think of how things "would have been." But in the end, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else! Besides, the majority of my complaints live inside me and I'd still have to live in my own skin. Got no other place to go!

I too like the idea of the "happy space." It's a joy experience to have those times when all is right with my part of the world. Fresh bread fits into that perfectly.

on Sunday, August 14th, Elise said

Ah yes, fresh baked bread is high on my list as well. BTW, I meant to write you back about the t-shirt design, I would *love* getting one (size large) when they come in. Glad it all worked out despite my being a last minute spazoid.
:)