08/24/2005: "Big Big Smile!"
Do any of you know someone that you just don't like, but for no good reason? It's disconcerting that a person can be nice to you, go out of their way to try and be your friend, invite you to do stuff etc. and still annoy the hell out of you.
When this happens it makes me feel awful…well, guilty is a better word. I feel like I *should* like them yet I feel nothing, or worse...I feel resentment, resentment at having to respond with an equal amount of forced joy, fake fake fake! Why does this person keep being so damn nice to me?
But I can't be purposefully rude to anyone either. So, when someone who makes my skin crawl comes up to me all smiley and glad to see me and wanting to hang out I find myself smiling right back at them like they're the cat's pajamas... while on the inside I’m thinking..."this person will never realize I don't like them if I keep being so damn nice to them".
Which lead me to an even more unsettling thought...that if I feel this way about a few people in my life, it stands to reason there are a few people in my life who do the inner cringe when they see me coming. Ouch!
You may be asking yourself "why is she pondering this crap when she should be painting?" well...because now that I'm free to paint absolutely anything I want...I'm free to paint absolutely anything. Anything...is far too much!