Alaskan Artist - Elise Tomlinson
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08/24/2005: "Big Big Smile!"

Do any of you know someone that you just don't like, but for no good reason? It's disconcerting that a person can be nice to you, go out of their way to try and be your friend, invite you to do stuff etc. and still annoy the hell out of you.

When this happens it makes me feel awful…well, guilty is a better word. I feel like I *should* like them yet I feel nothing, or worse...I feel resentment, resentment at having to respond with an equal amount of forced joy, fake fake fake! Why does this person keep being so damn nice to me?

But I can't be purposefully rude to anyone either. So, when someone who makes my skin crawl comes up to me all smiley and glad to see me and wanting to hang out I find myself smiling right back at them like they're the cat's pajamas... while on the inside I’m thinking..."this person will never realize I don't like them if I keep being so damn nice to them".

Which lead me to an even more unsettling thought...that if I feel this way about a few people in my life, it stands to reason there are a few people in my life who do the inner cringe when they see me coming. Ouch!

You may be asking yourself "why is she pondering this crap when she should be painting?" well...because now that I'm free to paint absolutely anything I want...I'm free to paint absolutely anything. far too much!

Replies: 5 Comments

on Thursday, August 25th, Kasia said

I know the feeling so well!!! The person is nice and polite and still no matters what they do I can't like them. Just can't.
Sure I wasn't offended! Why should I be? The discussion about religion is very interseting (I do agree that every religion has a lot in common with mythology) but I wish I could discuss with you in Polish!!!:) I sometimes want to say something sooo much, but I don't know proper words or expressions.
Anyway, I am a little feminist and don't like Catholic church for not liking me as a woman!! If you want check my today's post - thtere more about religion and what I Ithink about Robertson:))

on Thursday, August 25th, greg said

This is one of my lifes' peeves. I feel no one can accurately perceive how one is perceived by others. We humans really suck at communication too. Most of the time people arent able to interpret correctly what others say - there is too much bias, predisposition, and ...well, stupidity.

I have run into this in work situations quite often. Social situations are weird, because I might take a friend's avoidance personally, when it turns out life is just busy for them ... or is it?

When it comes down to it I guess Socrates' maxim "Know Thyself" still bears much reflection ...

So whatcha gonna paint now? :)

on Thursday, August 25th, Elise said

I know how you feel about the language barrier Kasia, I studied in Spain many years ago and although I could speak Spanish fine, and carry on extended conversations etc...there were still things I could never quite express, subtleties that I knew weren't coming out exactly right, and it's hard to know what you don't know...I wasn't sure which thoughts were coming accross ok and which were getting muddled.

But I think it's important just having that experience, realizing that some words or ideas don't even exist in another language, what that says about how the cultures differ and seeing that the lens you view the world through is *not* universal!

So, keep trying, I think you do a great job communicating and I wish I could speak Polish too! I love languages but there is only so much time in the day.

And Greg, I think it's impossible to know what anyone really thinks about you...unless they are a dear friend you've had for years and years.

I have friends that I *really* do love, who've repeatedly asked me to do things that I've turned down because I honestly was too busy...or going through the blues and just felt like staying home and being alone.

So, it *is* really hard to tell sometimes. There may be people we are being fake nice to, who are being fake nice back to us. This might sustain itself for years. Who knows, maybe one day the fake smile will be for real.

oh, and as for what I'm going to paint...I have too mand ideas at the moment. There are NO paintings currently in progress and 4 blank canvases staring me down. Part of my hesitation is not knowing how to proceed sans my deadly toxins.

on Thursday, August 25th, Petra said

Hi there, just found your blog. I like :)

I know exactly what you mean and years ago I found this in a book I was reading (Nothing in Common by Barbara Bottner) that sums it up perfectly for me. Hope it helps.

“There are some people you know instantly approve of you. You don’t have to explain anything. You already know them.
With other people it’s exactly the opposite. No matter what you say, how hard you try, it’s as if you were created by different gods. You may be tempted to tailor yourself so that you’ll be more appealing to them, but it never works. You find you disapprove of them, too. You even create reasons, but sooner or later you realize those reasons are just a reflex for some deep discomfort, some fundamental difference you have. In the end there is nothing you can do.”

There are people who annoy me just by their very existence. Sounds a bit harsh but I'm fairly certain that there are some people who think the same about me and you know what...I'm ok with that.

on Thursday, August 25th, Elise said

Hi Petra! (I *love* your name by the way) that quote from the book sums it up perfectly I think. And really, I'm OK with the fact that some people won't like me no matter what. I only hope that they are a person I feel equally distant to...and not someone I'm trying to (unknowingly) thrust my friendship upon.