09/05/2005: "The things I've read and the things I've seen"
I feel total ambivalence for a book I'm reading called How to Become a Famous Artist and still Paint Pictures. I'm not used to reading a current title so unapologetically chauvinistic; the exclusively male pronouns and all the advice about how to deal with "the wife and kids", but it also has me stirred up.
"Take a weekend off...if possible, go somewhere you won't see people at all...ask yourself what you really want, whether you believe that you can achieve success and whether you're selfish enough to put yourself and your ambitions ahead of those who want something from you....the life of an artist isn't easy. There's no participation with the rest of the world. It's life on the outside looking in. But it's focused. A single, to hell with it all, mindedness that constitutes an artis't life and the singular drive behind it: his need to communicate what he feels and how he feels about the things he sees".
But I already spend nearly every weekend without seeing or talking to anyone! So last night I went to a film called You and Me and Everyone We Know which I thought was *perfect*: quiet, funny and so touching and beautiful...perfect! Afterwards a friend and I met up with some other university folks for drinks... life can't always be from the outside looking in.
When I got home my mind was bursting with images and thoughts about life...all the suffering, the beauty...Mr. Innis was right about one thing...my need to communicate how I feel about the things I see. Now, to clean some brushes...