Alaskan Artist - Elise Tomlinson
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03/21/2006: "Salieri for one...or..."I think I need my dosage upped!""

I wish I could look at another contemporary artist’s work which is far superior to my own and feel happiness rather than envy and self-loathing.

Envy: “A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another.

I also feel like I could be just as good as them, if I really *applied myself*.

Potential: "The inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being."

Then I tick off all the things preventing me from attaining the same level of achievement.

Rationalizing: “To devise self-satisfying but incorrect reasons for one's behavior.”

Do others of you ever feel this way from time to time? I suppose it’s natural; we all strive to be the best in whatever area of our life is the most important to us, no matter how improbable or impossible that may be…don't we? Tell ourselves we could be that good if only...

Delusion: “A false belief strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence, especially as a symptom of mental illness.”

Oh, and last but not least: Self-pity: "Pity for oneself, especially exaggerated or self-indulgent pity."

Whaaaaaaaaaa! :(

Replies: 6 Comments

on Tuesday, March 21st, Judy Vars said

Snap out of it girl!!! Or don't. I feel we all need our black moods and insecurities,to appreciate the good moods and times of feeling really great about ourselves and out accomplishments. I was envying this Raw Artist I found on E-Bay, it seems she has a big income from her art, shes pretty, the whole 9 yards. I found myself stalking her on line trying to figure out how she does it. Now I'm off that. I am stalking you. You're my new current hero.
I'm reading a book "Its All Between Your Ears" and its given me some perspective at least for the time being. being. :D :laugh:

on Tuesday, March 21st, Elise said

You are too funny...

I will check that book out, I need all the help I can get. But why is it some people seem to have everything? I had a show once with someone tall and slender and gorgeous with long dark hair. She wore black and lots of silver jewlery to our opening. Nearly all of her paintings sold. Only 2 of mine did. Hers were on one side of the gallery and mine were on the other and everyone was facing her side of the wall. It was terrible. And on top of it all...I'm not tall or thin or in any way glamourous. Being seen next to her really drove that home to me, she is that mythical ideal of how people think of artists and I'm...well, I'm just not. And sometimes I think I do some pretty damn good work and other times (like now) my entire sense of who I am and what I'm capable of is being called into question.

Maybe I've just been eating too much sugar? I went off of it for nearly a month and just recently went on a bit of a bender. Yes, I think I'll blame it on the sugar!

Oh, and I found your email last night. I'll email you back tonight from home.

on Tuesday, March 21st, Joan said

Something to keep in mind...I have rarely met anyone who is actually as confident as I assume them to be. We all have our insecurities and self doubts. I can imagine that other artist maybe thinking.."I wish I felt comfortable in my own skin, like Elise, and not have to "try" to look like an artist." Besides, it is all we are asked to be - the best me I can be. Comparing to others is a waste of time. The only good is if it drives me to be a better me.

But I can also totally feel what you are talking about. Been there, done that.

on Tuesday, March 21st, Elise said

I know that comparing is a big fat waste of time and *usually* i don't. I just came across this artist whose work I love so much I feel like throwing my paintings in the channel.

I'm wondering if she ever feels insecure? Maybe you're right and it happens to all of us (except for the total megalomaniacs)

on Wednesday, March 22nd, greg said

Hey, I could have written this blog after seeing your work, Elise! :P

Thanks to you I've thrown in the towel and sticking to digital! Thanks alot! :plain: ;)

Maybe that other artist at the show just invited her large family? Maybe her 9 yo cousin found the red dot stickers and plastered them all over her works? Maybe after seeing your works she railed at the injustice, shore off her hair, and never picked up the brush again?

Truth be told, there's no real benefit in comparing yourself to others, as has been said. You're unique ... develop your unique style!

on Wednesday, March 22nd, Elise said

I know you're joking Greg but thanks for the compliment! I still don't think you should give up painting though I agree you have a lot of talent and skills in the digital arena.