03/15/2004: "Downward spiral?"
Well, I had this amazing 4 day painting, writing, and guitar playing spree, now it's Monday and I had to go back to work and I felt like shit all day. Plus it was more dark and overcast and rainy than normal today. I felt so tired and run down...I prefer to stay up all night and nap all afternoon so a normal job is not easy for me at all. I feel like I'm coming down with something but it could be all the toxic paint fumes I've been inhaling the last several nights, crashing on the couch in my studio/living room.
I had a nice discussion with a friend in London today about suicide. Really thinking about it makes you evaluate your life choices more closely. I told him my theory that if you're thinking seriously of killing yourself, you should go ahead and really live it up first. Try everything you'd do if there were no reprecussions for your actions. Take out huge loans, charge up the credit cards, take a chance with that cute stranger you're too afraid to talk to, quit your job, you know, become essentially fearless.
Anyway, I think it's a good theory. I know it's what I plan to do if it ever comes to that. Not that I think it will but, if it did, maybe living life like there's no tomorrow would actually make you a happier person? So, my friend I was having this conversation with told me something he thought I should do, which I can't repeat here for various reasons, but it really has gotten me thinking about how we can make decisions and take actions that are not in character for ourselves at all. Actions that can change the very course of our lives in huge ways.
Then I came home tonight to find the movie On the Edge(see my sortof review) in my mailbox which I ordered from eBay last week. The main plot of the film deals with a young man dealing with his life after an attempted suicide. Very kismet.
Well, I believe I'll go and have some nice hot chicken soup. I have a lot of papers to grade before I can turn in tonight and I feel like I maybe have a fever. I don't know if I can get anyone to teach my classes tomorrow if I have to call in sick but I might just have to if I don't start to feel better soon.
Hey, I just noticed that the clock on my mouse pad (executive mouse pad no less) is set to London time. That's cool, according to this, there's a nine hour time difference between Alaska and London. That mean's it's already 9:30 am there. Can that be right?