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04/30/2007: "Plant a little garden..."
I know I havenít been as open in this blog since Iíve started seeing someone. I feel like there is a lot of stuff that's suddenly "private" which is weird because I've kept a journal since I was 16 but stopped in 2003 when I started bloggingÖbut a public blog isnít the same as something you write only for yourself. In the beginning I blogged about every random thought that passed through my head, completely unfiltered by thoughts of who might be reading or how badly I was making myself look...primarily because I knew that no one was reading.
Things are a little different now. I have someone elseís privacy to consider and I suppose I worry more about exposing my true inner dork.
There are so many things I want to write about. My life has been mostly perfect lately, but there have been troubling things too. Iíve been having (despite my intense efforts to exercise and eat organic, unprocessed foods) a lot of health issues this winterÖnothing serious but I havenít felt like my normally fun and upbeat self in a long timeÖand Iím still not painting or doing much of anything creative.
I havenít discovered a way to balance my happy, well-adjusted relationship with being an artist (who counted on angst and loneliness for inspiration). Plus Iím not used to painting in front of anyone. Weíve thought about getting Japanese screens to divide my studio space from the rest of the living room as I canít seem to work with anyone else in the room watching me (is anyone else like that?).
I will say that my normally hermit-ish self *is* adjusting quite well to having someone else around on a regular basis, in general. Aaron and I went to a wonderful lecture on Saturday at Landscape Alaska. We only have a small yard but it has a lot of potential. Iím really looking forward to setting up a design for it and doing a lot of work outdoors together this summer.
When I first moved into this house there was no landscaping of any kind and I spent every spare moment outside planting perennials and spreading topsoil and seeding the yard. Now itís all a big mossy overgrown mess. Where did it all go wrong? I want to make it a beautiful wild place with native plants that donít require a lot of work. Oh, and I heard a song this morning by Greg Brown that Iíve always loved. There was one stanza in this song that I always loved the most, and when I heard it today it just made me feel so happy because I acutally have someone now.
Hey Baby Hey Ė Greg Brown
I want to plant a little garden with you now,
Take care of a piece of the Earth somehow and
Tend it when weíre old and gray and
Try to straighten up and say
Iím so glad to see you today and
hey baby hey baby hey baby heyÖ.
Back when I was still taking good care of the yard!