04/30/2007: "Plant a little garden..."

I know I haven’t been as open in this blog since I’ve started seeing someone. I feel like there is a lot of stuff that's suddenly "private" which is weird because I've kept a journal since I was 16 but stopped in 2003 when I started blogging…but a public blog isn’t the same as something you write only for yourself. In the beginning I blogged about every random thought that passed through my head, completely unfiltered by thoughts of who might be reading or how badly I was making myself look...primarily because I knew that no one was reading.

Things are a little different now. I have someone else’s privacy to consider and I suppose I worry more about exposing my true inner dork.

There are so many things I want to write about. My life has been mostly perfect lately, but there have been troubling things too. I’ve been having (despite my intense efforts to exercise and eat organic, unprocessed foods) a lot of health issues this winter…nothing serious but I haven’t felt like my normally fun and upbeat self in a long time…and I’m still not painting or doing much of anything creative.

I haven’t discovered a way to balance my happy, well-adjusted relationship with being an artist (who counted on angst and loneliness for inspiration). Plus I’m not used to painting in front of anyone. We’ve thought about getting Japanese screens to divide my studio space from the rest of the living room as I can’t seem to work with anyone else in the room watching me (is anyone else like that?).

I will say that my normally hermit-ish self *is* adjusting quite well to having someone else around on a regular basis, in general. Aaron and I went to a wonderful lecture on Saturday at Landscape Alaska. We only have a small yard but it has a lot of potential. I’m really looking forward to setting up a design for it and doing a lot of work outdoors together this summer.

When I first moved into this house there was no landscaping of any kind and I spent every spare moment outside planting perennials and spreading topsoil and seeding the yard. Now it’s all a big mossy overgrown mess. Where did it all go wrong? I want to make it a beautiful wild place with native plants that don’t require a lot of work. Oh, and I heard a song this morning by Greg Brown that I’ve always loved. There was one stanza in this song that I always loved the most, and when I heard it today it just made me feel so happy because I acutally have someone now.
:blush:

Hey Baby Hey – Greg Brown

I want to plant a little garden with you now,
Take care of a piece of the Earth somehow and
Tend it when we’re old and gray and
Try to straighten up and say
I’m so glad to see you today and
hey baby hey baby hey baby hey….

Back when I was still taking good care of the yard!

Replies: 14 Comments

on Monday, April 30th, dad said

maybe Aron can help you with your dream fence :O :satisfied: :D

on Monday, April 30th, joan said

funny...inspiring...comforting to hear your words. I've had many of the similar feelings/experiences. My conclusion is "my life" may not match "the dream" but it is every bit the fabulous adventure. Coming from the Valley (County) Girl who was headed to the coast and found love with a rancher (with 2 kids in tow) in landlocked central Nebraska.

I think you should have a glass of wine in the sunset with the one you love and drink in the beautiful reality which is yours (although not "planned").

I don't know which smiley face reflects joy, but consider it here.

on Monday, April 30th, joan said

I'm not sure how I got that smirking face to show up on my previous post, but I didn't mean it...just a simple end parenthesis, dammit....

on Tuesday, May 1st, Elise said

Hi Dad! I've been thinking about you so much the past couple of days...I'm going to try and give you a call during my lunch break this afternoon...I MISS YOU! And also, I must concede that you were right about the dream fence. I insisted on putting it too close to the street, the snow plows would have destroyed it the very first winter! You're always right, you know that?
:blush:
And hi Joan! I find those mystery smiley faces annoying too when they pop up unplanned from part of needed punctuation.

No worries!

I do find it interesting where and how we've all ended up. In some cases so far away from where we originally planned (I thought I'd be a high-powered New York City artist by now!) but I don't regret anything from my life so far. Isn't that strange? All of it has lead me to here, and to who I've become and I have such a magical life in so many ways that I'm in awe on a regular basis.

I know you feel similarly. I felt so terrible when I hear about your accident, but it sounds like it has made you stronger than ever!

Here's to rolling with the punches...
:hehe:

on Tuesday, May 1st, robroys@robroys.com">Rob Roys said

I find it interesting that you are more worried about privacy then your dad reading about your "inner dork."

on Tuesday, May 1st, Elise said

Ah...I'm not *that* worried about privacy (obviously)...

:confused:

And my inner dorkiness is no secret to my dad...trust me on that!
:cry:

on Tuesday, May 1st, whatacharacter said

I keep trying to find things to marvel at (a good thing) - and you're one of them (a very good thing)! :D

Wishing you success in your upcoming work ...

Enjoy a marvelous day and an amazing May!

on Tuesday, May 1st, greg said

oops - that's me greg (not Brown), hiding above :blush:

on Tuesday, May 1st, Elise said

Ahhh shucks Greg...
thanks, and right back atcha!
:P

on Wednesday, May 2nd, Jim L said

Ahh...Greg Brown, I used to live in Iowa City when he lived there as well. Check out "Dream Cafe" - one of my fave's, as well as "Just by Myself".

As far as working with somebody else around - I always could, but I have my own basement studio now anyway. What is hard is saying "Okay, see you in a couple of hours". I have a friend whose wife couldn't take that and he no longer paints. However, his wife is an extrovert and mine is an introvert, so my wife can handle being alone!

You'll balance things out - things like this flow and ebb.

on Wednesday, May 2nd, Elise said

Hi Jim, I love *all* of Greg Brown's music, he's been to Juneau several times as a matter of fact and I've been able to see him live. Dream Cafe is one of my fave's as well...(just by myself is great too!)...

As far as the "see you in a couple hours" thing goes...I haven't actually done that yet so I'm not sure how it will be. I do know that the guy I'm seeing loves time alone as well so it shouldn't be a problem. I know we'll balance things out eventually...the reality is just hitting a bit closer now that I have a show in 4 months AND it's summer and the start of the sailing season etc.
:confused:

on Wednesday, May 2nd, willow said

That's a cute pic of your yard and garden, Elise! I hear it's sunny in Juneau today! Hope you get to enjoy it.

I love Greg Brown and have seen/heard him play a few times too. One of my fav songs is the "I just want to be alone in the dark with you" song.

on Friday, May 4th, onahon said

did you know your email is full? we have so much to catch up on--must send you pictures of my new roommate--wynn. must know about this we and ours. i love your inner dork by the way.

on Tuesday, May 8th, Elise said

so, you *heard* it's sunny in Juneau Willow...that's GREAT!
;)

And Onahon! Hi!
I am sortof aware that my GCI account was killed by excessive spam. Hope you didn't try to send me something there.

Who is this new roommate you speak of?
Wynn? What a cool name.

O MAW GAWD! Did you have your baby!?

(that an interabang)