Alaskan Artist - Elise Tomlinson
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10/16/2008: "Nothing to fear but fear???"

I can't believe it's been so long since my last post. There have been a lot of rather sad developments in the past few weeks, things I'm not really at liberty to talk about. And on top of these personal issues, there is the ever tanking economy, the stress of the upcoming election, and an apparently never ending supply of rain.

I've been having an incredibly difficult time getting out of bed in the morning.

And on top of everything, I may have to give up oil painting!

I don't know what else to do. Every time I start a new painting, or squeeze fresh paint onto a new pallet, my coughing condition gets worse. I also suffer from head aches and sore throat etc. I am going to the doctor again (finally) next week. I have to admit I'm afraid of what they may find. I have been coughing for so long now and it hasn't gotten any better.

And every night I have bad dreams that wake me in a cold sweat.

It's strange that so many bad things have happened lately, because in some ways, I've never felt more grateful for everything that I *do* have. An incredibly sweet and doting husband, an interesting job, no serious health problems (knock on wood) and a home in my favorite place on Earth. I don't really even mind that it rains night and day.

I just want to keep what I have. I want things to stay the way they are. And I am terrified at the changes that may be coming.

Replies: 11 Comments

on Friday, October 17th, dad said

:) hang tough all things good and bad eventually turn out to be lest then we worried about. keep the faith:D

on Friday, October 17th, eddo said

This quote sits on my desk: You can't change the past ~ but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future. Change to water color or crayon, just don't stop creating...

on Friday, October 17th, Elise said

Hi dad, I hope you're right! And eddo, that's a great quote, *very* true. But I don't know how to make myself quit worrying???

I think you're right that I could quit oil for awhile and keep creating in a different medium, but oil is my first love. Nothing feels as good to me.

on Friday, October 17th, Erin said

so many people are right there with you. scared to death, yet so grateful for what we have and where we are. :blush:

on Sunday, October 19th, marja-leena said

I'm sorry to hear about events that make you sad, and that you can't use oils. When so many hard things happen at the same time, it can be overwhelming, I know. Think positive. Out of it all come new and exciting directions. It can be exciting to explore new materials and approaches and suddenly be excited with an expansion in your way of working.

on Sunday, October 19th, marja-leena said

Yikes, that needed editing - too much 'excitement' ;)

on Wednesday, October 22nd, Kasia said

I know this state of mind too. it is not easy, but it will pass. I am keeping my fingers crossed. :)

on Saturday, October 25th, Isle Dance said

I just happened upon your blog and want to say that your symptoms sound similar to what I've experienced in the past. If so, it's very possible that some minor tweaking will make all the difference in the world. Until you know for sure what's going on, hang in there. Everything will be okay. :o)

on Sunday, October 26th, Elise said

Hi Everyone,
sorry for not responding to any of your comments. Life has been crazy right now. One of those blogging blips, but I'll get better soon. We all just need to hang in their right?

btw, high Isle Dance, what kind of "tweaking" are you talking about? Were your symptoms from oil painting?

Keeping hopeful!

on Tuesday, October 28th, Isle Dance said

I began reacting to chemicals and foods, plus meds stopped working. Lots of weird symptoms were happening. As a last ditch effort, I saw a ND. Turns out, the more care I took in what I put in my body, the better my body could handle the environment/chemicals. Yet the less I desired their company. I found healthier alternatives. They exist. I know you have some Bastyr ND's in town, whom I highly recommend checking out. A free consult with them will give you an idea as to whether or not they can potentially help. My Bastyr ND's have made all the difference in the world. :o)

on Wednesday, October 29th, Elise said

Thanks Isle Dance,
I have been to an ND (what is a Bastyr?) and she was able to help me but I had to practically quit eating everything. I was allergic to many things, eating became very difficult. I'm afraid I'd fallen off the wagon, but I have started up again (avoiding all those foods I'm allergic to). I like the idea that I may be able to handle environmental things more if I detox my body first.

However, I'm already using walnut oil paints and no solvents of any kind so I'm not sure how I can get any better materials than that?

Thanks for the help!